How I feel Right Now :)

Right Now...... I feel free! I feel strong. I feel at peace. I feel happy anticipation of the new things to come in my life. :)

I have been listening to the songs I've added to this page. They really speak where I am, what I think. I love that music can do that for me. I've been reading. I've been accepting who I am right now. It feels good! Way better than when I disliked everything about myself. Duh! Of course I know the words make sense but the execution can be difficult:) I spent so many years being what I thought people wanted me to be. I have always hid who I truly am. It's time for that to end.

How am I suppose to find true love with someone who loves me if I never admit to who I am, what I like and where I am going in my life? I have to be honest, with everyone, but most importantly with myself. Instead of waiting until I'm thin or rich or perfect before showing myself and my heart is not the way to go.

What happens to people who live their life in the dark?
They eventually get so used to the dark that sunshine actually is painful to their eyes. That's how I have become, a hermit. I lived in the 'When I get _________ I will do this and then everything will be wonderful and I'll be happy' cave. The thing is I got so used to the dark that finding that light/sunshine/love for myself and others I used to want died away. The darkness of hiding within myself, the not believing myself worthy of happiness now became comfortable. I forgot the light, the need for the light and the feeling of joy the lights provides. I forgot that we are meant to be in the light, not hidden in the darkness.

I am happily begining to remember. I am starting to see that maybe, just maybe, I can have everything I want. Maybe I can find my dream. I'm beginning to realize that I should appreciate what I have in this moment. Where I am in this moment and cherish every moment. I have hidden in journals, only able to write my feelings, never able to speak the truth. I was afraid. I was afraid of rejection so I rejected. I was afraid of not being liked, of being mediocre and what happened to me? I became mediocre, I became not enough and I chose a life where everyday I was rejected. I didn't need anyone to abuse me, I was terrific at abusing myself, the best part about that is no one can see the scars. No one could see the blows I had afflicted upon my own soul. Again I hid myself. I have punished myself enough for 10 lives, it's time to move on.

It's time to be honest with myself, my heart and the ones I love. It is terrifying to put myself out there! I am now giving outside sources a say in my life. Instead of deciding for people, assuming their impending rejection I am actually opening up. The good thing is if I do end up receiving rejection I know that I will still feel good. I trusted, I put faith and my heart in an others hand. I know that by allowing my true feelings to the light, I am out of the cave!

Damn the Man, Save the Empire!!!!! ;)

Living Inspired,

Micah