I want to do something inspiring!
I feel like it's time for a change. I want my work to be something more, I want to help others. I want to make an impact for good. I don't care that I make tons of money but I do want the opportunity to be more than what I am. I will not be able to make more than what I make now at my current company. I have been at the same salary for 3 years now with no hope for growth. I also have gotten tired of working from home. It was a great opportunity but now I want something different, I want something more. I am no longer content hiding in my house, not facing the world, I want more.
Now that I am on my own, without a partner to pick up the slack, I need to find something that will help me provide a good life for my children while also helping me grow emotionally and spiritually. I'm not sure if this kind of career exists but I need it and I need it now.
I am working on not being afraid of the twists and turns my life makes. I am working on be fluid and easy going.
For years now I have stood still. I no longer want to live that way. I want to be a part of the world! I want to communicate with others. I want to encourage and inspire others to their own greatness.
I want to do something that allows me to connect with the body and the soul. I want to be connected. I want peace, joy and fulfillment from my career.
I ask to be guided to where my desires can become reality.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Finding Myself
'Waiting to see what I might be if released from chains that bind me from within'
I feel like I am finally starting to see myself, it's an amazing feeling! I have always been filled with doubt about who I am, who I should be, and whether or not I should share my true self with the world. Even admitting to the music I truly like was difficult for me. My mind would say things like "what if they don't like the music you like, then maybe they won't like you either".
I have always been drawn to people who were very confident in their likes and to be so doubtful about my likes made me feel even more lost. The fact that I was never into Kurt Cobain made me even more of an outcast! Especially with the groups I hung out with and the time I grew up. Although I do have to say I will always love Polly by Nirvana, it has happy memories attached to it :)
Music is so personal, and I am just now beginning to understand and accept that what I like is okay. I don't have to be like everyone else. Me being different in my preferences does not make me any less. I'm sure some may think that this is something I should've known years before but I am a late bloomer. I claim it proudly!!! I am enjoying the experience of getting to know who I truly am. I know that once I accept me I will not have the worry about whether anyone else likes me. What's important is me liking myself, happiness will come from there.
Although people should love me because I SOOO rock! ;)
Be happy with yourself. Once you can find that happiness within your own self you will not feel the need to look for it again in another.
Living Inspired,
Micah
I feel like I am finally starting to see myself, it's an amazing feeling! I have always been filled with doubt about who I am, who I should be, and whether or not I should share my true self with the world. Even admitting to the music I truly like was difficult for me. My mind would say things like "what if they don't like the music you like, then maybe they won't like you either".
I have always been drawn to people who were very confident in their likes and to be so doubtful about my likes made me feel even more lost. The fact that I was never into Kurt Cobain made me even more of an outcast! Especially with the groups I hung out with and the time I grew up. Although I do have to say I will always love Polly by Nirvana, it has happy memories attached to it :)
Music is so personal, and I am just now beginning to understand and accept that what I like is okay. I don't have to be like everyone else. Me being different in my preferences does not make me any less. I'm sure some may think that this is something I should've known years before but I am a late bloomer. I claim it proudly!!! I am enjoying the experience of getting to know who I truly am. I know that once I accept me I will not have the worry about whether anyone else likes me. What's important is me liking myself, happiness will come from there.
Although people should love me because I SOOO rock! ;)
Be happy with yourself. Once you can find that happiness within your own self you will not feel the need to look for it again in another.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Happy Friday!
The day is starting great! I spent the morning playing in bed with my kids :) I am optimistic and happy, even if there is no sunshine.
This song makes me smile, I hope it will make you smile too!
Happy Friday!!!!
This song makes me smile, I hope it will make you smile too!
Happy Friday!!!!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Forgiveness
I've been having a harder time staying positive in the last few days. I have felt lonely. I have felt the lack of certain things I want in my life. I know that I have let a lot of things go recently to make room for newer, healthier things.
A part of me is acknowledging the lack of my desires. Another part of me feels as though this is a sort of test, a test of my faith. Do I really believe all the things I preach on this blog? Can I really look past the things that aren't exactly what I want them to be and still enjoy the present moment and where I am right now????
Yes, I can. I am blessed to be able to feel and be aware of where I am emotionally. Because I have worked on paying attention to my mood I was able to notice my sadness at an early stage and ask for assistance in moving past it. I received assistance in 2 forms yesterday.
I was lucky enough to have a friend stop by and get my mind onto more joyful ideas. We ended up having an enjoyable time.
The other help was an old journal. We are in the process of moving and my daughter found a journal I had written in 5 years ago. My Goodness was I in a bad place then! I seemed hell bent on destroying myself and punishing myself for.....I'm not even sure what! I started a relationship that, after reading what I wrote, was doomed from the beginning. I chose to be in a relationship with someone who disliked everything about who I was. From the beginning I wrote about the toxic behavior I was exposing myself to, and I also wrote about my complete belief that I deserved nothing more than the verbal abuse I was receiving. I put myself in a relationship where I was always viewed as something less then, not good enough and undeserving of basic kindness or love. I do not blame the person I was with because I believe I chose him for the fact that he was abusive and that is what I believed I deserved. I chose someone who couldn't love me. I chose someone who never wanted anything like me and I allowed him to remind me of how I was never anything he wanted as often as he could. I chose to have a relationship with someone who ignored me, shamed me for my past behaviors and who kept me believing that this was all I deserved and that I could never find better. I chose to be with someone who still loved someone else, who didn't have room to love me because of their own pain for what they did in their past. I chose someone who would never love me the way I, deep in my heart, wanted to be loved.
I wrote things like 'I don't deserve death, I deserve all the pain in the world. I ruin lives. No one should love me and I shouldn't expect love from anyone. I am worthless.'
I have never been that mean to a single soul in my entire life. I wouldn't EVER say those things to anyone, I couldn't bear to hurt someone that badly. I know the things people say can scar. I know the power words can hold, the damage they can inflict, yet I repeatedly said horrible things to myself. What the hell! Why? Why did I feel the need to hurt myself and allow others to hurt me? I have treated myself this way since around the age of 12. I beat myself up for almost 2 full decades! Why did I think I deserved to hurt so much??
I'm not sure I'll ever know the answer. What I do know is that I refuse to beat myself up anymore! Yes, I have made some poor decisions in my life. I obviously choose the hardest path I could find and was hell bent on abusing myself. I'm done with that now.
I forgive myself for all of those things I did to hurt me. I forgive myself for the things I did that hurt others. I forgive myself for the things I allowed others to do to hurt me and for the things I did to hurt myself that unintentionally hurt others. I forgive myself for thinking that I deserved to hurt so much.
This is hard. Of course the voice in my head says 'It doesn't have to be' so I ask for guidance from higher sources to show me how letting go of this pain and hurt and beliefs of unworthiness can be easy. I ask for an understanding of how to let go of all of this pain I have collected throughout the years. I ask for forgiveness from myself for all the damage I have caused to my heart and soul.
I ask for peace, love and kindness.
Living Inspired,
Micah
A part of me is acknowledging the lack of my desires. Another part of me feels as though this is a sort of test, a test of my faith. Do I really believe all the things I preach on this blog? Can I really look past the things that aren't exactly what I want them to be and still enjoy the present moment and where I am right now????
Yes, I can. I am blessed to be able to feel and be aware of where I am emotionally. Because I have worked on paying attention to my mood I was able to notice my sadness at an early stage and ask for assistance in moving past it. I received assistance in 2 forms yesterday.
I was lucky enough to have a friend stop by and get my mind onto more joyful ideas. We ended up having an enjoyable time.
The other help was an old journal. We are in the process of moving and my daughter found a journal I had written in 5 years ago. My Goodness was I in a bad place then! I seemed hell bent on destroying myself and punishing myself for.....I'm not even sure what! I started a relationship that, after reading what I wrote, was doomed from the beginning. I chose to be in a relationship with someone who disliked everything about who I was. From the beginning I wrote about the toxic behavior I was exposing myself to, and I also wrote about my complete belief that I deserved nothing more than the verbal abuse I was receiving. I put myself in a relationship where I was always viewed as something less then, not good enough and undeserving of basic kindness or love. I do not blame the person I was with because I believe I chose him for the fact that he was abusive and that is what I believed I deserved. I chose someone who couldn't love me. I chose someone who never wanted anything like me and I allowed him to remind me of how I was never anything he wanted as often as he could. I chose to have a relationship with someone who ignored me, shamed me for my past behaviors and who kept me believing that this was all I deserved and that I could never find better. I chose to be with someone who still loved someone else, who didn't have room to love me because of their own pain for what they did in their past. I chose someone who would never love me the way I, deep in my heart, wanted to be loved.
I wrote things like 'I don't deserve death, I deserve all the pain in the world. I ruin lives. No one should love me and I shouldn't expect love from anyone. I am worthless.'
I have never been that mean to a single soul in my entire life. I wouldn't EVER say those things to anyone, I couldn't bear to hurt someone that badly. I know the things people say can scar. I know the power words can hold, the damage they can inflict, yet I repeatedly said horrible things to myself. What the hell! Why? Why did I feel the need to hurt myself and allow others to hurt me? I have treated myself this way since around the age of 12. I beat myself up for almost 2 full decades! Why did I think I deserved to hurt so much??
I'm not sure I'll ever know the answer. What I do know is that I refuse to beat myself up anymore! Yes, I have made some poor decisions in my life. I obviously choose the hardest path I could find and was hell bent on abusing myself. I'm done with that now.
I forgive myself for all of those things I did to hurt me. I forgive myself for the things I did that hurt others. I forgive myself for the things I allowed others to do to hurt me and for the things I did to hurt myself that unintentionally hurt others. I forgive myself for thinking that I deserved to hurt so much.
This is hard. Of course the voice in my head says 'It doesn't have to be' so I ask for guidance from higher sources to show me how letting go of this pain and hurt and beliefs of unworthiness can be easy. I ask for an understanding of how to let go of all of this pain I have collected throughout the years. I ask for forgiveness from myself for all the damage I have caused to my heart and soul.
I ask for peace, love and kindness.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Thursday, August 20, 2009
What can I do today
Today I can let go of everything that I have used to define who I was. I feel like letting go of the idea of who I am is important. A lot of times opportunities come up and I will brush them off as not a possibility for me because of past experiences. I refuse to look at things from that perspective anymore. I can work on letting go of assumptions about people, their actions, feelings and desires. I can focus on noticing all of the positives in my life.
I have been paying more attention to my life. The things and experiences I have asked to have throughout the years. What I have now come to see that most, if not all of those requests have been answered. Of course since they were not asked for and answered exactly at the same time I didn't notice their manifestation in my life. I'm pleased to say I can see those blessings/gifts now. Now I notice my life. Before I lived it, basically complained about it, noticed the lack within it and focused on being anywhere but in it.
My view has changed drastically. I now live my life, I try to be present within every moment of my life. There is less of a fog between what I live and how I view my life. It's as if I am clear, Claritin Clear! ;) tehe!!!! I crack myself up! :)
Seriously though, I do feel clearer about my desires, my purpose, the reason I have been where I have been mentally and emotionally. I don't by any means have all the answers, and I can't see where I am going either, but I am not afraid of the journey anymore. I am excited about my life! I am welcoming the surprises and new experiences that are available to me. I don't fear life, what is there to fear? There are of course experiences and situations I do not want to have but I do believe that no thing or experience is going to kill me, not my soul. I feel lighter in my life.
So everyday I can let go of something, anything that I feel is holding me down. I can let go of the fear of life and I can float through with the peace of knowing that I will survive. This is a Day in the Park and I choose to enjoy it.
I hope you will too :)
Living Inspired,
Micah
I have been paying more attention to my life. The things and experiences I have asked to have throughout the years. What I have now come to see that most, if not all of those requests have been answered. Of course since they were not asked for and answered exactly at the same time I didn't notice their manifestation in my life. I'm pleased to say I can see those blessings/gifts now. Now I notice my life. Before I lived it, basically complained about it, noticed the lack within it and focused on being anywhere but in it.
My view has changed drastically. I now live my life, I try to be present within every moment of my life. There is less of a fog between what I live and how I view my life. It's as if I am clear, Claritin Clear! ;) tehe!!!! I crack myself up! :)
Seriously though, I do feel clearer about my desires, my purpose, the reason I have been where I have been mentally and emotionally. I don't by any means have all the answers, and I can't see where I am going either, but I am not afraid of the journey anymore. I am excited about my life! I am welcoming the surprises and new experiences that are available to me. I don't fear life, what is there to fear? There are of course experiences and situations I do not want to have but I do believe that no thing or experience is going to kill me, not my soul. I feel lighter in my life.
So everyday I can let go of something, anything that I feel is holding me down. I can let go of the fear of life and I can float through with the peace of knowing that I will survive. This is a Day in the Park and I choose to enjoy it.
I hope you will too :)
Living Inspired,
Micah
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Music of the Moment
I found it!!!! I have loved this song forever and I lost it for a while. The video isn't great, I never really watched Dawson's Creek but the song is Kind Of Perfect!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Devil Snare
Today has the potential to be a very stressful day! There are a lot of different thoughts floating through my head. Most of them are filled with dread, worry, shame concern and fear. It's as though Devil's Snare is everywhere! I think the analogy of Devil's Snare being negative, fearful action and thoughts. Then the sunlight could represent our Consciousness.
When we shine the light of our consciousness, and don't allow ourselves to be so wrapped up in worldly ideas we free ourselves. When we stop and remember that this life experience is just that, a life experience then we can better handle the struggles in life. When we understand that this life is something that will end and at the same time, we will not cease to exist, then we can allow things to happen with less need to control the outcome.
I have, for most of my life, been a high strung person. I no longer am that type of person. There are days when I can get overwhelmed by life but I am pleased to say that those feelings very rarely are able to take complete control of me. I do live as if this life is a Day in the Park :)
So when Devil's Snare tries to keep hold of me I simply allow the light of consciousness shine. Life is good.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Hopeless Romantic
I am a hopeless romantic and I am proud of that. Given all of the heartbreak I could claim I am glad to be someone who still believes there is a love out there for me. I still believe in Fairy tales and Happy Endings. I refuse to allow myself to be jaded by the experiences I have already had. I believe that 'Happily Ever After' is an option and I will maintain that belief until the day I die.
A lot of people have difficulty understanding the blind desire I hold for love. They like to caution me and warn me that I should put my focus onto more pressing, realistic matters. As if love is not something realistic.
They like to tell me that I am great all by myself, which I am, and I accept. I have always wanted love though and I have denied myself that connection since a young age. It may have been the relationships that I observed through childhood that led me to the belief that love is something mystical and incredibly illusive. I've always believed that love, true love, was something for the very special. Not everyone would find it and no one could keep it forever. I lived the majority of my life with that belief, I refuse to live that way anymore.
I want to believe that love is for everyone. I want to believe that love is true and precious and worth everything! I want to believe in the goodness of the world and the most basic of those ideas, in my opinion, is love.
So I say Damn the Man, I can give love, I can receive love, I can be love. To all those who feel I am being naive then that will show their beliefs about love, not mine.
I wish you all the greatest love this life can offer. Be open to the possibilities that this life was meant to be something happy, joyful and loving and when you look at things that way they will prove you to be correct.
In Love,
Micah
A lot of people have difficulty understanding the blind desire I hold for love. They like to caution me and warn me that I should put my focus onto more pressing, realistic matters. As if love is not something realistic.
They like to tell me that I am great all by myself, which I am, and I accept. I have always wanted love though and I have denied myself that connection since a young age. It may have been the relationships that I observed through childhood that led me to the belief that love is something mystical and incredibly illusive. I've always believed that love, true love, was something for the very special. Not everyone would find it and no one could keep it forever. I lived the majority of my life with that belief, I refuse to live that way anymore.
I want to believe that love is for everyone. I want to believe that love is true and precious and worth everything! I want to believe in the goodness of the world and the most basic of those ideas, in my opinion, is love.
So I say Damn the Man, I can give love, I can receive love, I can be love. To all those who feel I am being naive then that will show their beliefs about love, not mine.
I wish you all the greatest love this life can offer. Be open to the possibilities that this life was meant to be something happy, joyful and loving and when you look at things that way they will prove you to be correct.
In Love,
Micah
Friday, August 7, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Stardust
The light that we hold within each of us is a glimmer of hope for a better life. We each hold unlimited potential within our souls! We can each be whatever it is we truly want to be!
One of my favorite movies is Stardust, it's a love story, fantasy style. I love this movie, it shows how we shine when we find love. When we find our happiness we literally begin to glow. I want to shine like that. I want my happiness to radiate from me so others can see it too.
This is a video I found that shows clips from the movie and I liked it. Enjoy!
One of my favorite movies is Stardust, it's a love story, fantasy style. I love this movie, it shows how we shine when we find love. When we find our happiness we literally begin to glow. I want to shine like that. I want my happiness to radiate from me so others can see it too.
This is a video I found that shows clips from the movie and I liked it. Enjoy!
The Alienation of Honesty
One of the things I have been running into lately is the alienation of honesty. I have been trying to live as honest as I can lately. Because of this I have had to admit to wrong doing and I am sure I have altered people's opinions of me in the process.
I'm tired of pretending to be someone I am not. I am tired of hiding who I am so I will have an easier time being accepted. I realize now that I don't need to be excepted to have a joyous life. I realize now that in order to have a more joyous life I need to be honest with myself about who I am. I need to accept my self and by doing that and being happy with who I am I find joy in my life. I ran past another quote from Mark Twain that addresses this: A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval- Mark Twain.
I agree completly with this. So I accept the Alienation of Honesty. I understand that by allowing myself to be true I may loss people who used to be part of my life. I also understand that those people never knew me to begin with so I don't find any of these changes to be unbearable. I am simply taking a new path and I look forward to the journey.
Living Inspired,
Micah
I'm tired of pretending to be someone I am not. I am tired of hiding who I am so I will have an easier time being accepted. I realize now that I don't need to be excepted to have a joyous life. I realize now that in order to have a more joyous life I need to be honest with myself about who I am. I need to accept my self and by doing that and being happy with who I am I find joy in my life. I ran past another quote from Mark Twain that addresses this: A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval- Mark Twain.
I agree completly with this. So I accept the Alienation of Honesty. I understand that by allowing myself to be true I may loss people who used to be part of my life. I also understand that those people never knew me to begin with so I don't find any of these changes to be unbearable. I am simply taking a new path and I look forward to the journey.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Moving On
I have been working for some time on changing my life to what I want it to be. In making the changes that I believe will offer me a more joyful, loving and happy life I have had to let go of things that meant a lot to me. Some days this can be a difficult thing to do. There are some days where I feel the lack of what I once had. I sometimes can feel anger or regret, I'm happy to say none of those feelings last long with me anymore.
I'm looking at it this way, I cleared out the things I didn't want to make room for the people, relationships and experiences I do want. I understand that there is going to be some time when that space remains empty, I'm okay with that. I don't feel abandoned, or neglected or as if I have made a wrong decision by letting certain people, relationships go. I think it was for the best for everyone concerned.
I want to acknowledge the growth that I feel within my soul. I want to give thanks for all of the positive changes that have appeared in my life and also say thanks for the changes I am not even aware of yet.
I know this life is good. I know this life is meant to be joy and I am thankful to be experiencing happiness in the here and now.
Living Inspired,
Micah
I'm looking at it this way, I cleared out the things I didn't want to make room for the people, relationships and experiences I do want. I understand that there is going to be some time when that space remains empty, I'm okay with that. I don't feel abandoned, or neglected or as if I have made a wrong decision by letting certain people, relationships go. I think it was for the best for everyone concerned.
I want to acknowledge the growth that I feel within my soul. I want to give thanks for all of the positive changes that have appeared in my life and also say thanks for the changes I am not even aware of yet.
I know this life is good. I know this life is meant to be joy and I am thankful to be experiencing happiness in the here and now.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Music of the Moment
This song just makes me happy. I can't help but to smile and walk around going Ya Ya :)
I love Missy! And I am truly All for Believing :)
I love Missy! And I am truly All for Believing :)
Monday, August 3, 2009
What I want
I just recently read a quote from Mark Twain that said: I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
I know things that I want for my life:
I want to never have to work again. I want to enjoy my time, my family, my loves, my passions and I want to enjoy every moment of this blessed life!
Now, knowing that I already have a lot of my wants and desires, and being able to see them in my life has made a great difference! I see the blessings in my life now, and by being able to see that I feel like I am letting go of the tight reign I used to hold on my ideas, prayers, wants and desires. I am giving the universe creative liberty in my life.
I ask for my desires. I asked for certain people to come back into my life, but I have let go of the absolute desire for it to be the exact person. I focus more on asking for the feelings and emotions and joy I experienced with that person and their positive effects on my personality. I look at every relationship I have ever had as an opportunity to find something great in another person. I take the best qualities of those relationships and ask for my dream.
I see it this way, it's like asking for an Interior Designer to fix up your place. Now you don't tell an Interior Designer, exactly what to buy. You give them examples of the style, colors and feel you want the room to have and then they have full reign. We trust an Interior Designer to set up everything in our house, our most precious area. We trust that they will do the best job they can so it try and please us. Why don't we, I, trust God or the Universe to do the same thing for me? This life is my home for now and I have decided to hire God to create my dreams for me. I trust that he will take my ideas and desires, and coupled with his knowledge and absolute creativity I'm positive that I will love the live I lead. I believe that as long as I maintain my positive outlook and focus on the blessings in my life I will only notice more.
I surrender to the Universe! I ask for my path to be laid before me in a clear and understandable nature.
Living Inspired,
Micah
I know things that I want for my life:
I want to never have to work again. I want to enjoy my time, my family, my loves, my passions and I want to enjoy every moment of this blessed life!
Now, knowing that I already have a lot of my wants and desires, and being able to see them in my life has made a great difference! I see the blessings in my life now, and by being able to see that I feel like I am letting go of the tight reign I used to hold on my ideas, prayers, wants and desires. I am giving the universe creative liberty in my life.
I ask for my desires. I asked for certain people to come back into my life, but I have let go of the absolute desire for it to be the exact person. I focus more on asking for the feelings and emotions and joy I experienced with that person and their positive effects on my personality. I look at every relationship I have ever had as an opportunity to find something great in another person. I take the best qualities of those relationships and ask for my dream.
I see it this way, it's like asking for an Interior Designer to fix up your place. Now you don't tell an Interior Designer, exactly what to buy. You give them examples of the style, colors and feel you want the room to have and then they have full reign. We trust an Interior Designer to set up everything in our house, our most precious area. We trust that they will do the best job they can so it try and please us. Why don't we, I, trust God or the Universe to do the same thing for me? This life is my home for now and I have decided to hire God to create my dreams for me. I trust that he will take my ideas and desires, and coupled with his knowledge and absolute creativity I'm positive that I will love the live I lead. I believe that as long as I maintain my positive outlook and focus on the blessings in my life I will only notice more.
I surrender to the Universe! I ask for my path to be laid before me in a clear and understandable nature.
Living Inspired,
Micah
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