I really can't remember when I decided to become so guarded with myself but I do know I have been this way for a very long time. Even trying to open up and write about myself in this is extremely difficult.
I am......I guess that's what this whole entire journey is going to help me figure out. I feel as though I know very little about myself. I know I am strong, but in what sense I'm not sure. Am I considered strong because I have been through a lot in life and I have managed to come through those things and still have a heart? Or am I weak because I cannot seem to trust anyone enough to allow them into me? Don't know. Am I ever going to find true love, someone who will love me for my strengths AND flaws? Is that even possible? Am I wanting something that does not exist? Is my true love the one I have now and I just can't see it past my insecurities? Don't know. Will I ever reach the potential to be great that I do know I possess or will I continue to hold myself back in one way or another?
I have spent my life hiding within myself, like being wrapped in a cocoon I have kept true self protected from everything I possibly could. I'm realizing, and yes, I've been doing a lot of realizing lately, that if I continue to hide in myself I will never truly experience the joy this life has to offer. So I'm working on breaking free.
I have hiding behind my weight for years, all of my adult life actually, that is one of the areas I am working on. I am an emotional eater, I eat to be defiant, against what, I don't know. I eat in boredom and anger mostly. I know I feel good when I eat and drink correctly but I fight myself with every step towards my goal weight. I have 50lbs to lose in order to be at a healthy weight. Most people who know me look at me and say 'you can't possibly have 50lbs to lose, there will be nothing left of you, if you do that'. I wish they wouldn't say anything. I guess the first step to take in fixing that is not to tell them how much weight I plan to lose. I am good at exercising and I just joined my Local Y so I am taking classes and feeling a little more self confident every time I go. I start jogging last year and found a love for it. I really enjoy being outdoors. I love a nice breeze and starting up at the beautiful trees. I recently learned to play tennis and I have found a love for that as well. So staying moving is not a major problem for me, it's all about the food. I think I will start to log my food onto this blog so I can keep myself accountable.
I have started a Break Free of the Cocoon Workout Plan:span class="blsp-spelling-error">Pilates/Yoga: This will be to stretch and loosen the binding of my cocoon. I have been in the cocoon forever and I know it will be no easy task to release myself from it. Yoga and Pilates will help me. I am coming into a new form and I want to make sure I know how to use this body I have hidden inside for so long. By working on my flexibility I will allow myself to learn grace in my new form. I like Yoga because it's meant to be a mind and body experience. I feel stronger and at peace when I am done. It will also help improve my posture and Pilates will help me with core strength. Sexy stomachs rock!
Long walks & Jogs: This will help me in 2 ways: Like I said before I love nature and I think it's important to enjoy the outdoors. To see people going about their lives, there's a connection you can feel while outside with others, without having to actually be with others. Jogging past someone else whose jogging gives me such a high, a feeling of camaraderie. When I have the right music, the beat is very important, it has to be something I can keep pace with, I have an amazing time. Normally when I jog I use club/dance music. JT and Brittany Spears, things of that nature are best because the beat stays consistent.
Long walks are great too! These are opportunities to relax. I can put my child in a stroller and off I go. Normally he'll get a nap in and the fresh air is good for him. When on long walks I normally will listen to something that will teach more about how to improve myself emotionally. I listen to Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Ester Hicks, Louise Hay and more. All of them teach some form of bettering yourself through thought. I'm learning that the power of thought is an amazing thing and that life can be turned around by just the way you look at things and where you focus your attention. By listening to this type of information while I walk I am also working on my mind and body. I'm a multitasker so I love this about my plan. I also plan on keeping track of the miles I have gone. I will use this as a guide for myself to show me how far I have come from the old me.
Next I have what I call Dance Therapy: Dance therapy is awesome!!!
It can be done at so many times of the day. I love music!!! It can take me to the highest places in side of myself and it can also pull me down, I think it's great either way. All I need to do is find the right music for the where I want to be emotionally and I am there. I use Dance Therapy for just about anything I need to do. Cleaning the house can be so much fun when you are shakin' your ass! The kids can join in, you get a cardio workout, the house gets clean and it's great for boosting confidence. No one has to see you dance when your in your house. You can do/try any move you want and never feel embarrassed. Unless you have a teenage daughter/son, then everything you do is embarrassing to them, so forget what they have to say, and shake it anyway! It's a great time to express yourself, release stress and nervous energy.
Strength: training: This is for exactly what is says. To build physical strength. I've read that the more muscle your body has the more calories your burn. Hell Yeah! I'm down with the weights! LOL
Okay so that's my plan. I'll start logging tomorrow. Good luck to me
Living Inspired,
Micah
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