I've been asking myself a lot lately. I'm learning to identify more with my spirit and less with my mind and in learning how to do this I always come back to the question Who am I? I know deep down inside that I am more that what I appear to be. I know that my true self is not this person I appear to be in this world.
In this world Micah [my mind] has become so fragmented by life's situations. The life situations seemed to have pushed me deeper within myself. I doubted myself more and more with every situation. I doubted my spirit, the fire within me that burned so strongly once began to diminish. I used to be so strong minded. I loved myself for who I was and then all of the sudden I didn't anymore. My fears and insecurities got the best of me and all I was from then on was a ball of fears and insecurities. I never realized until recently that all my mind ever does is remind me that I should be embarrassed or ashamed of every single moment, comment or action I take. I have lived my life, at least for as long as I can remember, completely run by fears and insecurities.
Recently I began to see this, thank goodness. One major example of my fears of life show in the way I raise my daughter. I have spent years being embarrassed of her behavior. Every time she ventures to do something new I tend to hold her back, caution her, about the embarrassment she would experience if she did whatever she tried wrong.
My daughter is not me however, she has not learned to be so jaded, guarded and sceptical about the beauty and uniqueness she possesses, and for that I am truly thankful! She is an amazing girl! She does remind me so much of myself but at the same time there is no shame in her actions. She is who she is and she does not apologize for being who she is, I love her for that. I am beginning to follow her lead. I am so thankful I have her in my life. I am so thankful she is not exactly like me, trapped in fear of everything in life.
I hope one day to be as confident in myself as my daughter is in herself.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment