Hiding from the abuser

I'm not sure I should say hiding from or standing up to but honestly it's easier to hide first, gather your courage and then stand up. At least in my opinion. So I think I have been doing whatever it is I have to do to hide from my abuser within myself. I try not to do anything that will awaken that voice within my head. The problem with that type of behavior is I spend a lot of time doing nothing. Tied down within myself, how I can do anything when the one who will yell at me and berad me is always along for the ride. I can't really hide from the one who hurts me. I cannot disappear and know that voice will not know what I am doing. I can't do anything behind my own back. So hiding and building courage is not really gonna work in this situation. I have my abuser with me every second of every day, without any break, it is always there!

The voice inside of my head knows when I call out for help. It knows every single bad thought I have and it capitalizes on every single negative point it can. This voice tries to make me think I am evil, hateful and not worth anything. It tries to make me think I am it.

I have noticed that I am not this voice though. I have noticed the piece/peace of God within myself.