It's probably extremely difficult to follow my blog, I'm so random about it, not a good thing for a blogger. It is what it is though. I could keep on ignoring this blog, like I have been, hoping I don't know what. It's kind of like diets or people you should call, you wait a bit to long and you just feel bad, and there doesn't seem to be an appropriate way to get back in.
In those situations you can tell who someone is. In this situation I have found out another part of myself. I have decided to get up and try again. I am scared, I am hesitant and am trying very hard to act like this isn't something huge! To most it isn't a big thing. None of you can hear inside my head, all the mean things that I say to myself. Not one person could be as hard on me as I am on myself. Even saying that I can hear the mean response that are possible responding in my head. What a horrible way to live! Constantly being chastised by yourself, seriously! It makes it extremely hard to to absolutely anything!
I know I'm not the only one who lives with their own devil in their head. It's insane to think about really. That little voice in my head who beats me up emotionally everyday is like my own personal abusive husband, or mother or father or whatever LOL!!!! The person who makes me feel less than, who holds me back from getting to know people, who tells me no one wants to know me anyway is in my head. How do you overcome something like that?
When it is an abusive husband or 'outside person' other people can hear the attacks, they can counter them with something good. You cannot imagine the hateful things I say to myself, nor could I imagine what you say to yourself. I cannot truly help you and you cannot truly help me. We are our own devils and our own angels. The only person who can truly hear, and counter my vicious attacks upon myself is myself. Talk about a messed up situation!
How do I gain power of the one who has controlled me, ingrained in me, every evil hurtful idea about myself that I could ever imagine??
How I do stand to myself for myself?
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