I have been doing most of my writing in Journals lately. I journal every night a thanks for the day. Instead of saying my old prayers....
My old prayers were the simple "Now I lay me down to sleep....." I would say them as if on auto pilot. I used to list everyone in a long drawn out list in my head. Like that boring guy who accepts an award and just pulls out a list and reads off the names. I had no real feeling in much of anything I said or asked for. I would end with something like, "Let Everyone be happy go-lucky and joyful", or "Home the Homeless and feed the hungry or make me rich and I will do it. :)"
Lately my prayers have been more intimate. I no longer say 'I pray the Lord my soul to keep', it's not necessary, no one is going to steal my soul. Now I say prayers of thanks and instead of asking for things that I want, I now ask what God wants of me. I now ask how I can serve this world. I have ended up helping in the simplest of ways. Standing by some one's car while they went to fill a gas can because they ran out of gas in the middle of the road. Giving up a Dentist appointment to a child who needed to be seen but did not have an appointment. These little ways I have helped others have a better day has helped me feel a stronger connection to God and to my life. In those simple ways that I have helped I have noticed that my life and the service I can provide, even the littlest things does make a difference in this world. I helped two people have a better, somewhat easier day. I showed compassion, instead of thinking about me, I thought of others and in those moments I felt more alive.
I do not need the recognition, I am telling these examples to help others realize that you don't have to have something special to help another. All you need is compassion and understanding and the ability to put yourself out there.
This life was meant to be good. I believe that we are meant to live in harmony, by letting go of the belief that there always has to be something in it for me I have found joy in my life.
I now pray for guidance, I pray for a better understanding of my purpose in this life. I no longer pray for protection, I am always protected and I am always safe.
You are too :)
Living Inspired,
Micah
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Gossip is Toxic
As everyone who reads my blog knows I am slowly trying to rid my body/mind/life toxic things. Whether it be food, thoughts or attitudes, I am working on getting rid of whatever I can in my life that makes me feel negative. Gossip is something I have decided upon today. Now, I will be the first to admit that I am, and have been, a consumer of Gossip, I have been glutenous when it came to gossip. I used to refer to myself as a gossip sponge I held on to everything I could get. No wonder I'm Fat! ;)
Most of us holds a Mental Bank of Gossip on every single person we meet. We hold their back story, their labels and status in file. We know where we rate them in importance and trustworthiness, what we can and cannot talk about with them, which subjects to stay away from and where we can pry. At least I know, and when I think about having that type of relationship it saddens me. Why can't we give information out without having someone judge us for it and 'swear not to tell' and spread it to everyone else who 'swears they won't tell'? It's like a disease! We feed upon it from an early age. It starts with the family view and then becomes stronger during school, which is where it's a breading ground.
We have website like Perezhilton.com, which is a site I check everyday! Why though? Why do I feel the need to check that site on an hourly basis to see what's going on in someone Else's life, or what tragedy befell the most popular pretty person. He calls names and talks tall shit and he is one of the most popular websites in America! Seriously!!!!?
It's not his fault though, we, I, go to that site. I want to see what's going on so I feel better about having that information or because I can relate to someone in their tragedy or I feel better about myself because She looks horrible in that picture!?! If you think about that, with your heart, does that make any sense? When we live life like that we feed ourselves with negative, sometimes hateful feelings, that are attached to those thoughts. Even if you shield yourself by trying to say something positive or disagreeing with the 'fat' label he put on that girl, you, I, still expose ourselves to that type of negativity all day long.
If it's not a website, family and friends can be great for the daily dose of crap information for your brain. They can tell you gossip about everyone in the family, and even people you don't know and most of the time you don't even have to ask for it. Actually most people, even me, when you get them going, can load a massive amount of useless information about things in life that don't matter.
That is of course depending on your perspective.
I've decided to change my perspective and not feed on negative information, positive for me please. If my body isn't eating empty crap like Double Stuff Oreos and Dr. Pepper why should my mind? I only want to bring healthy, positive, joyful happy things into my environment. I want to only hold on to the light in my life.
Every teaching I find says to focus on the positives in life. I have been slowly getting there, but I am getting there. So I encourage you all to try for a little while to not feed yourself with negativity, only allow as much positive as you can into your life. Maybe if we all work on focusing and holding on to only positivity then positivity could become as contagious as Laughter :) Wouldn't that be nice.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Most of us holds a Mental Bank of Gossip on every single person we meet. We hold their back story, their labels and status in file. We know where we rate them in importance and trustworthiness, what we can and cannot talk about with them, which subjects to stay away from and where we can pry. At least I know, and when I think about having that type of relationship it saddens me. Why can't we give information out without having someone judge us for it and 'swear not to tell' and spread it to everyone else who 'swears they won't tell'? It's like a disease! We feed upon it from an early age. It starts with the family view and then becomes stronger during school, which is where it's a breading ground.
We have website like Perezhilton.com, which is a site I check everyday! Why though? Why do I feel the need to check that site on an hourly basis to see what's going on in someone Else's life, or what tragedy befell the most popular pretty person. He calls names and talks tall shit and he is one of the most popular websites in America! Seriously!!!!?
It's not his fault though, we, I, go to that site. I want to see what's going on so I feel better about having that information or because I can relate to someone in their tragedy or I feel better about myself because She looks horrible in that picture!?! If you think about that, with your heart, does that make any sense? When we live life like that we feed ourselves with negative, sometimes hateful feelings, that are attached to those thoughts. Even if you shield yourself by trying to say something positive or disagreeing with the 'fat' label he put on that girl, you, I, still expose ourselves to that type of negativity all day long.
If it's not a website, family and friends can be great for the daily dose of crap information for your brain. They can tell you gossip about everyone in the family, and even people you don't know and most of the time you don't even have to ask for it. Actually most people, even me, when you get them going, can load a massive amount of useless information about things in life that don't matter.
That is of course depending on your perspective.
I've decided to change my perspective and not feed on negative information, positive for me please. If my body isn't eating empty crap like Double Stuff Oreos and Dr. Pepper why should my mind? I only want to bring healthy, positive, joyful happy things into my environment. I want to only hold on to the light in my life.
Every teaching I find says to focus on the positives in life. I have been slowly getting there, but I am getting there. So I encourage you all to try for a little while to not feed yourself with negativity, only allow as much positive as you can into your life. Maybe if we all work on focusing and holding on to only positivity then positivity could become as contagious as Laughter :) Wouldn't that be nice.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Lovin Life!
I wanted to take a moment and thank Life, the Universe, Source, Being, God, whatever you choose to call it! I've learned, and am still learning, how to flow. How to not get stuck in the pettiness and drama that used to catch me like glue, stuck to my shoe. Maybe that's why I have always loved that song from Tori Amos ;)
Anyway....I just wanted to vocalize my thanks. Life has been good to me lately. I learned in the Trust Your Vibes Book to ask for help from your High Self. To say 'Subconscious, Listen to my Higher Self'. I have been doing that and meditating, reading, eating clean. I feel like I have been living clean really. In the sense that I don't try to hold on to anything toxic. Any bad feeling I have I drop it as soon I feel it. I do not put myself in situations that are going to make me uncomfortable. If I do end up in a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable, I work on getting rid of whatever I'm holding onto that is making me feel like the situation is toxic. In those moments I strongly call upon my Higher Self! I ask for Guidance on how to move, and like Echhart Tolle explained to me, I wait. I simply accept the situation and ask for a different path. When I call upon my Higher Self it seems like at times I come up with ideas that I would've NEVER thought of with my head :) All of the sudden I go from a uncomfortable situation to laughing and feeling joy :)
I'll use a recent dinner situation as an example. My soon to be 3 year old son and I are eating dinner, meat and veggies, he wants dessert of course. He is smashing his meat with his sugar peas and not eating. I asked for Guidance and the next thing you know we are eating the meat like a T-Rex would and we eating veggie like a bunny would :) I went from frustrated to complete enjoyment of the moment! Life is good :)
I notice it in the work phone calls I make. I am paying more attention to the vibe I get, and give off, and adjusting accordingly :) I feel better when at work, I enjoy my job more. Although the day I can 'Call in Rich' is still a day I dream of ;)
I'm happy! I'm doing Yoga and Pilates and I ride my bike a lot. I've decided to stop being so hard on my body. Beating myself up for being fat isn't the route I think I should go. I want to go the kinder, softer, more loving way. I want to Stretch my body and learn how to make my body flow, I think that body will bring me more peace.
My diet consists of a lot of water! In the Trust Your Vibes book the Author mentioned that if your dehydrated your abilities diminish by 85%! So I am trying to boost mine by re hydrating ;) I feel good when I drink water, I did not go through caffeine withdrawal thank goodness!
When something happens now I have been easier to get past it. I'm not as sticky :), things are staring to slide off of me, it's nice!
I feel an overwhelming sense of well being :)
So Thank You Universe!
Enjoy the Tori Video........
Anyway....I just wanted to vocalize my thanks. Life has been good to me lately. I learned in the Trust Your Vibes Book to ask for help from your High Self. To say 'Subconscious, Listen to my Higher Self'. I have been doing that and meditating, reading, eating clean. I feel like I have been living clean really. In the sense that I don't try to hold on to anything toxic. Any bad feeling I have I drop it as soon I feel it. I do not put myself in situations that are going to make me uncomfortable. If I do end up in a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable, I work on getting rid of whatever I'm holding onto that is making me feel like the situation is toxic. In those moments I strongly call upon my Higher Self! I ask for Guidance on how to move, and like Echhart Tolle explained to me, I wait. I simply accept the situation and ask for a different path. When I call upon my Higher Self it seems like at times I come up with ideas that I would've NEVER thought of with my head :) All of the sudden I go from a uncomfortable situation to laughing and feeling joy :)
I'll use a recent dinner situation as an example. My soon to be 3 year old son and I are eating dinner, meat and veggies, he wants dessert of course. He is smashing his meat with his sugar peas and not eating. I asked for Guidance and the next thing you know we are eating the meat like a T-Rex would and we eating veggie like a bunny would :) I went from frustrated to complete enjoyment of the moment! Life is good :)
I notice it in the work phone calls I make. I am paying more attention to the vibe I get, and give off, and adjusting accordingly :) I feel better when at work, I enjoy my job more. Although the day I can 'Call in Rich' is still a day I dream of ;)
I'm happy! I'm doing Yoga and Pilates and I ride my bike a lot. I've decided to stop being so hard on my body. Beating myself up for being fat isn't the route I think I should go. I want to go the kinder, softer, more loving way. I want to Stretch my body and learn how to make my body flow, I think that body will bring me more peace.
My diet consists of a lot of water! In the Trust Your Vibes book the Author mentioned that if your dehydrated your abilities diminish by 85%! So I am trying to boost mine by re hydrating ;) I feel good when I drink water, I did not go through caffeine withdrawal thank goodness!
When something happens now I have been easier to get past it. I'm not as sticky :), things are staring to slide off of me, it's nice!
I feel an overwhelming sense of well being :)
So Thank You Universe!
Enjoy the Tori Video........
Friday, July 17, 2009
It's been a while
It's been a while since I have posted. I did the 5K walk/run and did a lot more walking than running. I finished in 36 mins and I am happy with that. The amount of people was completely overwhelming to me, fear got to me, I didn't quit though and I am proud of myself. I know next year I will do much better.
I finished Seth Speaks and it has really opened up my mind to different ideas. I'm not sure I can exactly explain anything I read but I will say the book was amazing and I reccommend it highly!
I'm currently listening to a book called Trust Your Vibes by Sonja Choquette, I am really enjoying it. I started it at the perfect time, the book covers topics that I am currently having difficultiy with in my own life.
It is teaching me to live my life and allow others to live thiers.
I wish peace and happiness to you all.
Living Inspired,
Micah
I finished Seth Speaks and it has really opened up my mind to different ideas. I'm not sure I can exactly explain anything I read but I will say the book was amazing and I reccommend it highly!
I'm currently listening to a book called Trust Your Vibes by Sonja Choquette, I am really enjoying it. I started it at the perfect time, the book covers topics that I am currently having difficultiy with in my own life.
It is teaching me to live my life and allow others to live thiers.
I wish peace and happiness to you all.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Waiting......
By Eckhart Tolle
This piece is taken from Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now.
Are you waiting to start living? If you develop such a mind pattern, no matter what you achieve or get, the present will never be good enough; the future will always seem better. A perfect recipe for permanent dissatisfaction and non-fulfillment, don’t you agree?
How much of your life do you spend waiting? What I call ’small-scale waiting’ is waiting in line at the post office, in a traffic jam, at the airport, or waiting for someone to arrive, to finish work, and so on. ‘Large-scale waiting’ is waiting for the next vacation, for a better job, for the children to grow up, for a truly meaningful relationship, for success, to make money, to be important, to become enlightened. It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.
Waiting is a state of mind. Basically, it means that you want the future; you don’t want the present. You don’t want what you’ve got, and you want what you haven’t got. With every kind of waiting, you unconsciously create inner conflict between your here and now, where you don’t want to be, and the projected future, where you want to be. This greatly reduces the quality of your life by making you lose the present.
There is nothing wrong with striving to improve your life situation. You can improve your life situation, but you cannot improve your life. Life is primary. Life is your deepest inner Being. It is already whole, complete, perfect. Your life situation consists of your circumstances and your experiences. There is nothing wrong with setting goals and striving to achieve things. The mistake lies in using it as a substitute for the feeling of life, for Being. The only point of access for that is the Now. You are then like an architect who pays no attention to the foundation of a building but spends a lot of time working on the superstructure.
For example, many people are waiting for prosperity. It cannot come in the future. When you honor, acknowledge, and fully accept your present reality - where you are, who you are, what you are doing right now - when you fully accept what you have got, you are grateful for what you have got, grateful for what is, grateful for Being. Gratitude for the present moment and the fullness of life now is true prosperity. It cannot come in the future….
So give up waiting as a state of mind. When you catch yourself slipping into waiting, snap out of it. Come into the present moment. Just be, and enjoy being.
This piece is taken from Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now.
This is the lesson I need to work on now. I was honoring the present moment but then I went into the future and forgot about the present. I am glad that I have these resources to help me :)
Living Inspired,
Micah
This piece is taken from Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now.
Are you waiting to start living? If you develop such a mind pattern, no matter what you achieve or get, the present will never be good enough; the future will always seem better. A perfect recipe for permanent dissatisfaction and non-fulfillment, don’t you agree?
How much of your life do you spend waiting? What I call ’small-scale waiting’ is waiting in line at the post office, in a traffic jam, at the airport, or waiting for someone to arrive, to finish work, and so on. ‘Large-scale waiting’ is waiting for the next vacation, for a better job, for the children to grow up, for a truly meaningful relationship, for success, to make money, to be important, to become enlightened. It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.
Waiting is a state of mind. Basically, it means that you want the future; you don’t want the present. You don’t want what you’ve got, and you want what you haven’t got. With every kind of waiting, you unconsciously create inner conflict between your here and now, where you don’t want to be, and the projected future, where you want to be. This greatly reduces the quality of your life by making you lose the present.
There is nothing wrong with striving to improve your life situation. You can improve your life situation, but you cannot improve your life. Life is primary. Life is your deepest inner Being. It is already whole, complete, perfect. Your life situation consists of your circumstances and your experiences. There is nothing wrong with setting goals and striving to achieve things. The mistake lies in using it as a substitute for the feeling of life, for Being. The only point of access for that is the Now. You are then like an architect who pays no attention to the foundation of a building but spends a lot of time working on the superstructure.
For example, many people are waiting for prosperity. It cannot come in the future. When you honor, acknowledge, and fully accept your present reality - where you are, who you are, what you are doing right now - when you fully accept what you have got, you are grateful for what you have got, grateful for what is, grateful for Being. Gratitude for the present moment and the fullness of life now is true prosperity. It cannot come in the future….
So give up waiting as a state of mind. When you catch yourself slipping into waiting, snap out of it. Come into the present moment. Just be, and enjoy being.
This piece is taken from Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now.
This is the lesson I need to work on now. I was honoring the present moment but then I went into the future and forgot about the present. I am glad that I have these resources to help me :)
Living Inspired,
Micah
Music of the moment/ Letting go
This is a beautiful song by Missy Higgins. My dream life :)
I think I figured out what has gotten me down today, I have been focusing on the lack of my dreams. I have recently put out, what I believe, is the most basic desire of my heart. I have looked inside of myself and asked for everything that I could ever want. I admitted to a desire that I have always denied myself.
That desire is still heavy, I can tell that I am still attached to it, the lack of it. This is something I will have to work on getting past. The only way I know how to work on getting past the fear that it will never come to be is............
I'm still not sure. This is still a learning process for me, I do not have all the answers.
For now I am trying to divert my attention from the subject completely. I am trying to focus on the good things that I have recieved and give myself time to come to terms with that desire.
I hope to eventually be able to let go of this and enjoy all in my life.
Living Inspired,
Micah
I think I figured out what has gotten me down today, I have been focusing on the lack of my dreams. I have recently put out, what I believe, is the most basic desire of my heart. I have looked inside of myself and asked for everything that I could ever want. I admitted to a desire that I have always denied myself.
That desire is still heavy, I can tell that I am still attached to it, the lack of it. This is something I will have to work on getting past. The only way I know how to work on getting past the fear that it will never come to be is............
I'm still not sure. This is still a learning process for me, I do not have all the answers.
For now I am trying to divert my attention from the subject completely. I am trying to focus on the good things that I have recieved and give myself time to come to terms with that desire.
I hope to eventually be able to let go of this and enjoy all in my life.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Practice Makes Perfect
I was looking through one of my journals a few nights back, I write a lot, and most of what I write is in written journals. My posts here are some things I have to say, but not all. I have been meaning to put them on here but I have not figured out the way I want to set things up.
Anyway....last night I found one of my journals and I was reading it through. It's from late Feb and early March. I was encouraged that I still have the same desires for my life that I did even a few months ago. I was encouraged by the fact that I was saying the right things to myself back then. I know that the differences between now and then are the conviction in which I say those things to myself.
I am pleased to see the growth in my confidence and love for myself. I am pleased to know that I am on the right path. That proof that I am moving forward helps me on days like today when I feel less of a connection to all that is good.
I am able to realize that there is some belief that I am holding on to that is clouding my connection with all that is good. In knowing and understanding that my beliefs and negativity that I am holding onto is the only reason I feel badly, I am better set up to deal with this situation. No one controls my life or my abundance, I am the only one who can restrict what I receive.
In knowing and accepting that, then I also know that I can change how I feel by understanding why I feel the way I do. Of course I haven't figured out why I am down today but I know that I will.
In times like these, when I feel lack I must be very careful to maintain kindness for myself. It is extremely easy to start blaming and saying things like, 'You're never gonna get it' or ' See you fell off again, you are worthless, just give up now'. Those are the things part of me says when I feel down, I must be very careful to not listen and agree with that voice. If I do I am giving up on myself.
So today I am working on being kind to myself. I working on being understanding and loving and not judging. I know I will make it past today and I know I will find my peace and happiness again. This is merely a block within myself that I must let go of, I will be okay.
I will use my old writings to remind me of my progress. I will write down what I feel is holding me in this place of sadness and I will move on.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Anyway....last night I found one of my journals and I was reading it through. It's from late Feb and early March. I was encouraged that I still have the same desires for my life that I did even a few months ago. I was encouraged by the fact that I was saying the right things to myself back then. I know that the differences between now and then are the conviction in which I say those things to myself.
I am pleased to see the growth in my confidence and love for myself. I am pleased to know that I am on the right path. That proof that I am moving forward helps me on days like today when I feel less of a connection to all that is good.
I am able to realize that there is some belief that I am holding on to that is clouding my connection with all that is good. In knowing and understanding that my beliefs and negativity that I am holding onto is the only reason I feel badly, I am better set up to deal with this situation. No one controls my life or my abundance, I am the only one who can restrict what I receive.
In knowing and accepting that, then I also know that I can change how I feel by understanding why I feel the way I do. Of course I haven't figured out why I am down today but I know that I will.
In times like these, when I feel lack I must be very careful to maintain kindness for myself. It is extremely easy to start blaming and saying things like, 'You're never gonna get it' or ' See you fell off again, you are worthless, just give up now'. Those are the things part of me says when I feel down, I must be very careful to not listen and agree with that voice. If I do I am giving up on myself.
So today I am working on being kind to myself. I working on being understanding and loving and not judging. I know I will make it past today and I know I will find my peace and happiness again. This is merely a block within myself that I must let go of, I will be okay.
I will use my old writings to remind me of my progress. I will write down what I feel is holding me in this place of sadness and I will move on.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Garden Of Eden
I write all the time, a lot of my ideas are on paper and I came across one about the Garden Of Eden story.
I think that we should consider that the Bible and what it tells us may not be the complete truth. There are a ton of different scenarios that could've brought us to where we are now, I think it is important to explore those ideas. Challenge what you have been taught, it's not wrong to question different ideas, in doing so I believe you can find a better understanding of life and what it means to be here. The writing I came across was about how I am sceptical about the details of that story, about how maybe our original sin was not taking the apple, but the sin of the guilt Adam and Eve felt.
That maybe we never left the Garden Of Eden, maybe Adam and Eve felt as though they should be punished and they created the belief that God had banished them. It's a thought. It's an idea to consider. I know I have personally taken some wonderful things, people, opportunities out of my life because I did not feel as though I was worthy. Who is to say Adam and Eve did not do the same?
That one story is the basis of the way we are taught to look at God. What if the people who told it got it wrong? Maybe their perception was altered somehow and they believed that God would be angry and not forgive them, and that thought, the thought that God lacked enough compassion and love to forgive them of their transgressions, is what the real sin is all about????
What if we were never banished? What if that one thought caused the first disconnection, misalignment, separation between God and us? Or maybe the actual eating of the fruit, made us deaf to be able to hear God clearly anymore. There are a ton of different ways this story could've gone. If Adam and Eve had been able to hear God before and now they cannot, that would make sense that they would feel an even greater sense of disconnection and loss and lack.
Any of these ideas could be possibilities, any of these could be the main story of the Bible. Although, I do think if we truly let our hearts lead us, and not Man, we would never have need for the Bible. I'll write more on that thought later.....
If it is possible that we maybe were never were banished, but instead believed that thought when it was only an illusion of our mind, that would make this the Garden Of Eden! It makes perfect sense to me! Look at all this Earth has to offer! There are so many beautiful, wonderful places on this planet.
This Earth is set up to accommodate whatever temperature, climate, environment you want, all you need to do is choose where you want to live. What is it you want to see? Anything you want, it's available to you. We have the starts and planets and clouds above our heads and flowers at our feet. Everything around us was made for beauty and to be appreciated. Sounds the the Garden Of Eden to me :)
Consider It.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Amazing! Seth Speaks
I just received the book Seth Speaks today. It was a book that they recommended in the Abraham-Hicks recordings. I have barely read any of it, but what I have read has made me so happy!
I'll write more about this when I have read more :)
Living Inspired,
Micah
I'll write more about this when I have read more :)
Living Inspired,
Micah
Ready to Run!
I signed up for my local 5K Walk/Run yesterday. I wanted to sign up last year but I didn't. I didn't sign up because I had every excuse I could find not to. I wasn't in shape, I hadn't trained, I didn't want to embarrass myself by looking stupid trying something new.
All of those excuses are still valid and, if I wanted, I could still use them today. I've decided to go a different route. I've decided to quit making excuses about how I am not the person I want to be and instead, work on being that person. So I have doing the things that I see myself doing in the life I truly want.
I want to run. I have been an asthmatic for my whole life. I never did Gym because I always had and excuse, a Dr's note, or someone standing behind me saying that I couldn't or shouldn't do whatever because I was limited in my breath. I know those people were trying to keep me safe and I do not hold any anger towards them or their need to protect me. That limit that I accepted as a child held on to me into my adulthood. I didn't try to do things and I became the one who said the I couldn'ts and I shouldn'ts. I had accepted those limits and had decided that they were my reality. I accepted I was weak, I would never be the person I wanted to be because I was not physically able to become that person. I accepted defeat.
Last year I began to try running. I started with walking then progressed and I was shocked at how much I enjoyed the power I felt coursing through my blood when I ran. I felt powerful and connected. I ran all last summer and dropped 30 lbs, I felt the best I have ever in my life, physically. Winter came and I lost that connection, again I retreated to my cave.
This year I say 'Damn the Man' I am going to do the 5K. I don't care that it's this Saturday and I haven't trained. This is not a competition, I am not doing this to prove I can be better than someone else. I am doing this to prove to myself that I can do anything I want, I need only believe in myself. This is an opportunity for me to show myself, my God and everyone, that I am more than I have led anyone to believe. Inside of me is an amazing woman and I want to start showing that side of me.
Of course there is fear within me. Telling me I can't do it, I will embarrass myself, I'm not properly prepared, and every other negative thing that can possibly relate to this subject. I know though that I have a choice, I can listen to that voice that sounds like it's genuinely concerned for me and my safety or, I can decide ignore that voice. As genuine and loving as it sounds I know it is only my fear, it is trying to convince me to stay safe in my little cave where I will never get hurt and I will never feel pain. I know that that while that cave may keep me safe from harm it also closes me off from experiencing anything in my life!
I want adventure! I want to see what I am capable of doing, I want to test my limits for once. Instead of listening to what others think I am capable of I would like to know what I am capable of because I have tried. I want have the experience of knowing myself and what I am made of.
So this Saturday I am going to do a 5K!!!! I am excited and at the same time scared outta my mind! I've decided to use my fear to push me farther into things instead of away. I've decided that the things I have the most fear about attempting are probably the most important things I should do, because in doing them the fear will have to become something else. The fear will change into a different emotion. Maybe my fear will lead me to exaltation????? You never know :) I am willing and open to try and find out what comes of moving past my fear.
What do you hold yourself back from trying because of fear? What do you think is beyond the fear? What emotion do you think you may be able to find past your fear?
I say try to do something your afraid of, even if it's contacting someone you thought would never speak to you again. What's the worse that could happen??? They still don't want to talk to you? At least you move past yourself and your fear enough to test your limits. Maybe by facing that fear, and finding out they don't want to have anything to do with you, you might find peace. Maybe that fear would turn into peace because you will then know that part of your life is gone, it's time to move on and you can let go with the understanding that you did not hold yourself back with fear. You tested your limits and found where they lie, now you know and now you can move on to another opportunity.
Consider It.
Living Inspired,
Micah
All of those excuses are still valid and, if I wanted, I could still use them today. I've decided to go a different route. I've decided to quit making excuses about how I am not the person I want to be and instead, work on being that person. So I have doing the things that I see myself doing in the life I truly want.
I want to run. I have been an asthmatic for my whole life. I never did Gym because I always had and excuse, a Dr's note, or someone standing behind me saying that I couldn't or shouldn't do whatever because I was limited in my breath. I know those people were trying to keep me safe and I do not hold any anger towards them or their need to protect me. That limit that I accepted as a child held on to me into my adulthood. I didn't try to do things and I became the one who said the I couldn'ts and I shouldn'ts. I had accepted those limits and had decided that they were my reality. I accepted I was weak, I would never be the person I wanted to be because I was not physically able to become that person. I accepted defeat.
Last year I began to try running. I started with walking then progressed and I was shocked at how much I enjoyed the power I felt coursing through my blood when I ran. I felt powerful and connected. I ran all last summer and dropped 30 lbs, I felt the best I have ever in my life, physically. Winter came and I lost that connection, again I retreated to my cave.
This year I say 'Damn the Man' I am going to do the 5K. I don't care that it's this Saturday and I haven't trained. This is not a competition, I am not doing this to prove I can be better than someone else. I am doing this to prove to myself that I can do anything I want, I need only believe in myself. This is an opportunity for me to show myself, my God and everyone, that I am more than I have led anyone to believe. Inside of me is an amazing woman and I want to start showing that side of me.
Of course there is fear within me. Telling me I can't do it, I will embarrass myself, I'm not properly prepared, and every other negative thing that can possibly relate to this subject. I know though that I have a choice, I can listen to that voice that sounds like it's genuinely concerned for me and my safety or, I can decide ignore that voice. As genuine and loving as it sounds I know it is only my fear, it is trying to convince me to stay safe in my little cave where I will never get hurt and I will never feel pain. I know that that while that cave may keep me safe from harm it also closes me off from experiencing anything in my life!
I want adventure! I want to see what I am capable of doing, I want to test my limits for once. Instead of listening to what others think I am capable of I would like to know what I am capable of because I have tried. I want have the experience of knowing myself and what I am made of.
So this Saturday I am going to do a 5K!!!! I am excited and at the same time scared outta my mind! I've decided to use my fear to push me farther into things instead of away. I've decided that the things I have the most fear about attempting are probably the most important things I should do, because in doing them the fear will have to become something else. The fear will change into a different emotion. Maybe my fear will lead me to exaltation????? You never know :) I am willing and open to try and find out what comes of moving past my fear.
What do you hold yourself back from trying because of fear? What do you think is beyond the fear? What emotion do you think you may be able to find past your fear?
I say try to do something your afraid of, even if it's contacting someone you thought would never speak to you again. What's the worse that could happen??? They still don't want to talk to you? At least you move past yourself and your fear enough to test your limits. Maybe by facing that fear, and finding out they don't want to have anything to do with you, you might find peace. Maybe that fear would turn into peace because you will then know that part of your life is gone, it's time to move on and you can let go with the understanding that you did not hold yourself back with fear. You tested your limits and found where they lie, now you know and now you can move on to another opportunity.
Consider It.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Life I Want to Live....
The life I want to live is fun, easy going and has purpose. My life now is those things, on a small scale, I want more though, because I know it's available to me.
I can see myself lying on a hammock with my love, enjoying the sun and the breeze and having an easy, loving conversation with one another. There is no rush in this time, it seems to stand still. I can see our large backyard and lake that we live on. I have always found peace near water, and I feel blessed everytime I am able to look out the window and know that my dream is now reality.
Things in this life are very easy going. We have family over all the time and everyone gets along. There is never any jealousy or feelings of ill will here. My home is open and full of love and laughter.
We live life unrushed, we enjoy that luxury. My love and I both have no need for work. We don't have to bring in a paycheck because we have an abundance of funds available to us. We do not work, but we do give back, in our own ways.
I do Public Speaking and Charity work. I feel blessed everyday that I am able to do this. It is never a burden or something that overwhelms me in a negative way. I always have new ideas and am pleased that I have the funds to be able to try these new ideas that will help others make their life what they want it to be.
I love being able to introduce myself and asking how I can help knowing full well that however I am able to help I will. I love saying 'Hi, I am Micah. How can we help you?' I love running my Charity. I love helping the women we help. I do not feel the pride of 'look what I did' but I do feel the pride of knowing that through me God I was able to help women create the dreams they wanted. I love that I don't throw my ideas upon people. I help them to become their own dream. I'm healthy and find a thrilling happiness in every moment of my life, as if I am brand new to this world and open to every possiblilty imaginable.
I love the relationships I have in my life. Every relationship is pleasant and benefical. Commnication is easy flowing between everyone around me. My children are happy, caring, loving people. They learned early enough to not live within the limits of others and they both excel at whatever brings them pleasure, and I am thankful that they find pleasure in positive healthy habits.
My love is everything I could ask for, I know this because I asked for him. I asked for certain qualities in a partner, he has those and more! Everyday I thank God he is in my life. We have so much fun together! It's as if we are children in a funland. Every expeirence possible is on the table and we need only choose to have, and we do. We are different enough in personality to enjoy several different things. We are both trusting and respectful enough of the other to try things we wouldn't normally like because we know the other will find real pleasure in that expeirence. We both feel an extreme attraction to one another, there is no doubt about whether we are one anothers'. It's an amazing feeling and we both love the way that our connection feels.
Love and happiness flow around and through us. The lives of the ones we touch are better because they have known us and vise versa. We are aware of the grace we have recived in this life and we never take it for granted. We live a life of love and joy and laughter and peace, and I am thankful everyday.
Living Inspired,
Micah
I can see myself lying on a hammock with my love, enjoying the sun and the breeze and having an easy, loving conversation with one another. There is no rush in this time, it seems to stand still. I can see our large backyard and lake that we live on. I have always found peace near water, and I feel blessed everytime I am able to look out the window and know that my dream is now reality.
Things in this life are very easy going. We have family over all the time and everyone gets along. There is never any jealousy or feelings of ill will here. My home is open and full of love and laughter.
We live life unrushed, we enjoy that luxury. My love and I both have no need for work. We don't have to bring in a paycheck because we have an abundance of funds available to us. We do not work, but we do give back, in our own ways.
I do Public Speaking and Charity work. I feel blessed everyday that I am able to do this. It is never a burden or something that overwhelms me in a negative way. I always have new ideas and am pleased that I have the funds to be able to try these new ideas that will help others make their life what they want it to be.
I love being able to introduce myself and asking how I can help knowing full well that however I am able to help I will. I love saying 'Hi, I am Micah. How can we help you?' I love running my Charity. I love helping the women we help. I do not feel the pride of 'look what I did' but I do feel the pride of knowing that through me God I was able to help women create the dreams they wanted. I love that I don't throw my ideas upon people. I help them to become their own dream. I'm healthy and find a thrilling happiness in every moment of my life, as if I am brand new to this world and open to every possiblilty imaginable.
I love the relationships I have in my life. Every relationship is pleasant and benefical. Commnication is easy flowing between everyone around me. My children are happy, caring, loving people. They learned early enough to not live within the limits of others and they both excel at whatever brings them pleasure, and I am thankful that they find pleasure in positive healthy habits.
My love is everything I could ask for, I know this because I asked for him. I asked for certain qualities in a partner, he has those and more! Everyday I thank God he is in my life. We have so much fun together! It's as if we are children in a funland. Every expeirence possible is on the table and we need only choose to have, and we do. We are different enough in personality to enjoy several different things. We are both trusting and respectful enough of the other to try things we wouldn't normally like because we know the other will find real pleasure in that expeirence. We both feel an extreme attraction to one another, there is no doubt about whether we are one anothers'. It's an amazing feeling and we both love the way that our connection feels.
Love and happiness flow around and through us. The lives of the ones we touch are better because they have known us and vise versa. We are aware of the grace we have recived in this life and we never take it for granted. We live a life of love and joy and laughter and peace, and I am thankful everyday.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Why I am powerful....
I am powerful because I know I am a part of God. I know that abundance is mine to recieve because I am a part of God, and God is ever abundant! I do not fear admitting my love or connection to God, for I know the only way to recieve my dreams and abundance is to nuture that connection. I know that by not only admitting my connection but taking the time to try and explain it to others I am doing exactly what it is I was meant to do in this life. I was meant to show God through me, we are all meant to do that. That is what I believe this whole life is about, understanding our connection and allowing the connection to speak for itself. By using the abundance of grace I recieve to show others a better life through God I am living my purpose on Earth.
I believe God gives us whatever it is we need to make our dreams a reality and the only reason we do not recieve that grace is because we deny it. We believe man, we believe our mind and Earthly, grounded ideas. When we let go of the limits on our thoughts and dreams we begin to see the light. It is the light within ourselves, the light we possess because we are a part of God, that leads us to our ultimate reality. The feeling of happiness and warmth and joy, the glowing of my heart is the way I know that I am on the right path. When I write these things I feel a connection to what I am saying. I feel the light within me glowing, I believe I feel that way because I am doing what's right. I am acknowleging God, his power, his abundance, and my absloute connection to him. In his power I am powerful. In his abundance I am abundant. In God I am everything I was meant to be.
Living Inspired,
Micah
I believe God gives us whatever it is we need to make our dreams a reality and the only reason we do not recieve that grace is because we deny it. We believe man, we believe our mind and Earthly, grounded ideas. When we let go of the limits on our thoughts and dreams we begin to see the light. It is the light within ourselves, the light we possess because we are a part of God, that leads us to our ultimate reality. The feeling of happiness and warmth and joy, the glowing of my heart is the way I know that I am on the right path. When I write these things I feel a connection to what I am saying. I feel the light within me glowing, I believe I feel that way because I am doing what's right. I am acknowleging God, his power, his abundance, and my absloute connection to him. In his power I am powerful. In his abundance I am abundant. In God I am everything I was meant to be.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Possibilities
I am starting to understand that the only real reason I do not have what I want in my life is because I never believed myself worthy of having what I want. My belief that I lacked has held me in place my entire life. My belief that I need outside sources to find me worthy has given those outside sources the control of my life. The reason I have felt no control over my life is because I have had none. I had given it away to anyone who would take it.
Anyone who had an opinion I believed. Anyone who knew what I should do with my life and how I should live my life I listened to. When I was told that that I lacked this or that I believed it, by believing others, I gave them the power to create my world.
Every dream I have had for myself I have allowed to it to be scrutinized by others. I have given others the power, not only to dissect my dreams and break them down to the point where they no longer seem to be a valid idea but, I have also let others tell me that there NO POSSIBLE way the things I wanted for myself could ever be a reality. I was dreaming TOO BIG. I would get the , 'How cute that she thinks she can do that' look or response to any of my ideas. Before that look or response would be the end of any thought I'd have. I'd drop it right there and then because if 'They' didn't find me worthy of having my dream how could I possibly be worthy of it.
It didn't occur to me until recently that no one was trying to squash my dreams. They believed that there was no possible way for me to have what I dreamed only because they were unable to make their own dreams a reality. They cautioned me to protect me, not to hold me back. Now that I know that, now that I know that no one knows the limits of me, I find confidence in my dreams. I have not only begun to dream again, I have actual begun to expect with excitement the receiving of my greatest ideas!!!
I have started to understand that I am only limited by what I believe and if I believe that within God, within myself, I am abundant than that is what I am able to receive. When I start to accept all that I am and realize the only way I can see lack is to believe in it than I know I am now on my way to my dreams.
I can have, do and be whatever it is I want! I am starting to know that now. I am starting to let go of the beliefs that tied me to misery. I am starting to clear my path and to allow the true abundance that is available to me into my life. I understand that the only thing that blocks all of God's abundance in my life is me. If I am true to my heart and soul and the belief that I am here for a purpose and that my ideas and dreams are worthy of being reality then I will begin to receive those dreams within my real life. In this knowledge I find peace, I find happiness, joy and excitement about my life, my possibilities and the power I have to create a better place.
I feel blessed!
Living Inspired,
Micah
Anyone who had an opinion I believed. Anyone who knew what I should do with my life and how I should live my life I listened to. When I was told that that I lacked this or that I believed it, by believing others, I gave them the power to create my world.
Every dream I have had for myself I have allowed to it to be scrutinized by others. I have given others the power, not only to dissect my dreams and break them down to the point where they no longer seem to be a valid idea but, I have also let others tell me that there NO POSSIBLE way the things I wanted for myself could ever be a reality. I was dreaming TOO BIG. I would get the , 'How cute that she thinks she can do that' look or response to any of my ideas. Before that look or response would be the end of any thought I'd have. I'd drop it right there and then because if 'They' didn't find me worthy of having my dream how could I possibly be worthy of it.
It didn't occur to me until recently that no one was trying to squash my dreams. They believed that there was no possible way for me to have what I dreamed only because they were unable to make their own dreams a reality. They cautioned me to protect me, not to hold me back. Now that I know that, now that I know that no one knows the limits of me, I find confidence in my dreams. I have not only begun to dream again, I have actual begun to expect with excitement the receiving of my greatest ideas!!!
I have started to understand that I am only limited by what I believe and if I believe that within God, within myself, I am abundant than that is what I am able to receive. When I start to accept all that I am and realize the only way I can see lack is to believe in it than I know I am now on my way to my dreams.
I can have, do and be whatever it is I want! I am starting to know that now. I am starting to let go of the beliefs that tied me to misery. I am starting to clear my path and to allow the true abundance that is available to me into my life. I understand that the only thing that blocks all of God's abundance in my life is me. If I am true to my heart and soul and the belief that I am here for a purpose and that my ideas and dreams are worthy of being reality then I will begin to receive those dreams within my real life. In this knowledge I find peace, I find happiness, joy and excitement about my life, my possibilities and the power I have to create a better place.
I feel blessed!
Living Inspired,
Micah
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Happy Independence Day!!!!
Happy Independence Day Everyone!!!!
What a wonderful night!!!! I spent time with my family. My cousin had a birthday and it was a wonderful time. No Drama!!!! :) Only love. The thing I started to consider was that maybe it was always just love. Maybe the only difference between this 4th and every only 4th I've had is me.
I no longer feel as though I lack anything. In that feeling I enjoyed the evening. I enjoyed being there, I did not look for critizsim and I did not recieve any. I only enjoyed the positive of the evening, and in only focusing on the positive, I saw no negatives :)
I had a fobulous night! Not only did I enjoy being alone I also enjoyed the excitement of the unkown. What a wonderful moment, just imagine what next year will be. Only positive things are happejning in my life! I am blessed!
I hope you all took the time to enjoy where you are right now and the endless posibibliteis you have before you. Happy Independence Day :)
Living Inspired,
Micah
My Favorites SYTYCD
My favorite things:
These are from So You Think You Can Dance. The way they dance is incredible, I love it!
I have mentioned Sara Barellis several times on this blog, I absolutly love the girl! This is one of my favorite songs from her, and the dance is powerful..
And most recent favorite:
These are other dance I have also enjoyed..
These are from So You Think You Can Dance. The way they dance is incredible, I love it!
I have mentioned Sara Barellis several times on this blog, I absolutly love the girl! This is one of my favorite songs from her, and the dance is powerful..
And most recent favorite:
These are other dance I have also enjoyed..
Lift Me Up
I have been working on concentrating my energy on the things that make me happy.
Family:
I was having a difficult night last night. I was feeling lonely and slightly irritated but thankfully just when I was about to give into my bad mood my Sister called. She invited us and my brother over to hang out and do fireworks and play Rock band. I am NOT good at Rock band but I am determined to get better! I enjoyed the night so much. It was wonderful to be able to hang out with my family! I enjoyed being there by myself but, I also enjoyed the idea of having someone special in my life who would fit into our little family. I enjoy my family because it is small. My Brother, my Sister and myself. Our parents do not live close so it's just us, I love it! We have always had to stick together and I am so glad that we have continued to live our lives close to each other. My Sister recently moved back into the area and has been great about inviting us to be a part of her life. I adore her and my Brother-in-Law! They are very free, fun loving and easy going people. They are encouraging and supportive and I feel extremely grateful that I have them in my life.
I also am very close to my Brother, I always have been, and I hope I always will be. I have a great family. They are a definite Lift Me Up!!!!!!
Desk:
Since I will me moving in August a lot of my time has been spent figuring out how I will decorate my new place. I love redecorating! I buy a lot of my furniture items on Craigslist or from resale shops. I always seem to find exactly what I'm looking for and the price is always something I can afford:) My new place is much smaller than where I currently live so I will be selling a lot of what I have in order to get things that will fit better in my new space. I found the cutest little desk on Craigslist an I am so excited about getting it today:)
I've decided to add a picture of the desk:
It goes with the simple, easy style I like. One item down, lots more to go!
Feet:
I have never been very happy with what my feet look like. Come on, they are feet, there's nothing beautiful about them. I've always wanted to get a tattoo on each foot, I have yet to do it though. Instead of focusing on what I cannot do I decided to focus on what I can do. I've decided to use temporary tattoos for now. It's easy, quick, cute and cheap! So now my feet are pretty :) When it comes to going to Yoga or Pilates class I think I will be a lot less hesitant to take off my socks now :)
Focusing on the things I can control makes life much more enjoyable, I recommend you try it.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Family:
I was having a difficult night last night. I was feeling lonely and slightly irritated but thankfully just when I was about to give into my bad mood my Sister called. She invited us and my brother over to hang out and do fireworks and play Rock band. I am NOT good at Rock band but I am determined to get better! I enjoyed the night so much. It was wonderful to be able to hang out with my family! I enjoyed being there by myself but, I also enjoyed the idea of having someone special in my life who would fit into our little family. I enjoy my family because it is small. My Brother, my Sister and myself. Our parents do not live close so it's just us, I love it! We have always had to stick together and I am so glad that we have continued to live our lives close to each other. My Sister recently moved back into the area and has been great about inviting us to be a part of her life. I adore her and my Brother-in-Law! They are very free, fun loving and easy going people. They are encouraging and supportive and I feel extremely grateful that I have them in my life.
I also am very close to my Brother, I always have been, and I hope I always will be. I have a great family. They are a definite Lift Me Up!!!!!!
Desk:
Since I will me moving in August a lot of my time has been spent figuring out how I will decorate my new place. I love redecorating! I buy a lot of my furniture items on Craigslist or from resale shops. I always seem to find exactly what I'm looking for and the price is always something I can afford:) My new place is much smaller than where I currently live so I will be selling a lot of what I have in order to get things that will fit better in my new space. I found the cutest little desk on Craigslist an I am so excited about getting it today:)
I've decided to add a picture of the desk:
It goes with the simple, easy style I like. One item down, lots more to go!
Feet:
I have never been very happy with what my feet look like. Come on, they are feet, there's nothing beautiful about them. I've always wanted to get a tattoo on each foot, I have yet to do it though. Instead of focusing on what I cannot do I decided to focus on what I can do. I've decided to use temporary tattoos for now. It's easy, quick, cute and cheap! So now my feet are pretty :) When it comes to going to Yoga or Pilates class I think I will be a lot less hesitant to take off my socks now :)
Focusing on the things I can control makes life much more enjoyable, I recommend you try it.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I don't want to wonder anymore
I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if we could've made it together. I don't want you to think of me and feel regrets or anger or pain. I spent years trying to help a loved one cure their broken heart, never admitting that my heart was broken as well. I spent years being afraid of your rejection that I never stood up and put myself out there to you. I tried to lead others down the path of following their heart. I tried to encourage others to mend old wounds and to stand up and be strong in the face of a lost love. I tried to encourage them because I believe that if you truly feel that much love for someone, a love that lasts years beyond where is was, then you owe it to yourself and your love to admit to it. You owe it to your own heart to be strong enough and ask the question: Do you still love me? You owe it to your heart to be honest and admit that you still hold love for that past love and if that love is available you should grab it.
So when someone asks me why I do the things I do I will say I do it for love. A love that I am not even sure still exists. A love that may have been one sided, a love that may have been a figment of my imagination. I owe it to my heart to see, maybe it was real. Maybe it was the true love. Maybe it still exists......
I'll never know if I don't try. I'll never know if I don't put myself out there. I'll never know if I stay trapped by the fear that I was worthness and unloveable.
So it is out there, I have put myself on display. I have shown my heart, I have laid out my cards. If I was wrong about this love then I can at least move on. I can let go and love again.
So when someone asks me why I do the things I do I will say I do it for love. A love that I am not even sure still exists. A love that may have been one sided, a love that may have been a figment of my imagination. I owe it to my heart to see, maybe it was real. Maybe it was the true love. Maybe it still exists......
I'll never know if I don't try. I'll never know if I don't put myself out there. I'll never know if I stay trapped by the fear that I was worthness and unloveable.
So it is out there, I have put myself on display. I have shown my heart, I have laid out my cards. If I was wrong about this love then I can at least move on. I can let go and love again.
To all that thought they knew me......
You were mistaken. You have never known me because I have never allowed myself to be known.
To all who say I have changed....
I have not changed at all, I have merely started to show my true self. I am not a Bitch, I played one for a while, I was quite good at it. I am not heartless, cruel, stupid, ditzy or any other label you may feel the need to place upon me.
I am love. I always have been, I just hid it from you all. Yes, there are a few who may know that side of me, but I can gaurantee you, most don't. Most people have known me to be judgemental, angry, bossy, rude and overall a very callous person. To all of you who have met that side of me I am truly sorry. I was not mean to hurt you, I was mean to protect myself.
I did not understand how to allow my love to flow through me. It seemed too powerful and I was afraid for someone, anyone, to reject it. I did not understand that love can be given and it doesn't have to be returned to be worth giving. I didn't realize that I could allow the love I have to flow without having that person feel the same. I feared for myself, it's that simple. I feared if I were to give love and not have be returned I would die. Over dramatic, yes, but I was young, naive and immature.
I am no longer any of those things :) Okay...maybe still slighty immature but I'm okay with that!
I am now more understanding of myself and what I am able to do, what I am able to handle and what I am able to control. I no longer carry anger in my front pocket. I don't lash out just so no one will approach me. I have to admit that I have made myself quite a reputation for being the angry mean girl that it has been hard to overcome.
I will overcome it though, I know that. I will no longer hide, I will allow my true self to be seen. Because I know, and understand now, that I can love without recieveing love in return. Of course the recieving of love is always good but I don't feel the emptiness I used to when I don't recieve love back. I now know I recieve love from the inside out. God loves me, I love me. It's still hard to say sometimes, I feel like someone might jump out and tell me how unworthy I am. That's not true though.
I am worthy of love, we are all worthy of love.
Don't judge me for who I used to be. You will be missing out on knowing the true me. The true me is no longer afraid of what people think, I love regaurdless. The true me is not angry or mean, the true me is light and playful, loving and kind, happy and at peace.
I hope you take the time to get to know me.
Living Inspired,
Micah
To all who say I have changed....
I have not changed at all, I have merely started to show my true self. I am not a Bitch, I played one for a while, I was quite good at it. I am not heartless, cruel, stupid, ditzy or any other label you may feel the need to place upon me.
I am love. I always have been, I just hid it from you all. Yes, there are a few who may know that side of me, but I can gaurantee you, most don't. Most people have known me to be judgemental, angry, bossy, rude and overall a very callous person. To all of you who have met that side of me I am truly sorry. I was not mean to hurt you, I was mean to protect myself.
I did not understand how to allow my love to flow through me. It seemed too powerful and I was afraid for someone, anyone, to reject it. I did not understand that love can be given and it doesn't have to be returned to be worth giving. I didn't realize that I could allow the love I have to flow without having that person feel the same. I feared for myself, it's that simple. I feared if I were to give love and not have be returned I would die. Over dramatic, yes, but I was young, naive and immature.
I am no longer any of those things :) Okay...maybe still slighty immature but I'm okay with that!
I am now more understanding of myself and what I am able to do, what I am able to handle and what I am able to control. I no longer carry anger in my front pocket. I don't lash out just so no one will approach me. I have to admit that I have made myself quite a reputation for being the angry mean girl that it has been hard to overcome.
I will overcome it though, I know that. I will no longer hide, I will allow my true self to be seen. Because I know, and understand now, that I can love without recieveing love in return. Of course the recieving of love is always good but I don't feel the emptiness I used to when I don't recieve love back. I now know I recieve love from the inside out. God loves me, I love me. It's still hard to say sometimes, I feel like someone might jump out and tell me how unworthy I am. That's not true though.
I am worthy of love, we are all worthy of love.
Don't judge me for who I used to be. You will be missing out on knowing the true me. The true me is no longer afraid of what people think, I love regaurdless. The true me is not angry or mean, the true me is light and playful, loving and kind, happy and at peace.
I hope you take the time to get to know me.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Dreams
My dream relationship:
We are friends. We genuinely care about each other. We have things in common but we aren't the same. He has his passions and I have mine. We both respect each other. We both know, without doubt, that we are going through this journey together. We make each other happy, we laugh a lot and are very light with our love. We are affectionate without being 'all over' each other. Outside people can see our connection, without words needing to be spoken.
He has his own life, he never excludes me and I don't feel the need to be attached to his hip. I occasionally hang out with him and the guys and he's okay with that. His friends like me, his friends respect our relationship. He trusts me. He knows I love him and that I am faithful to him. I am confident of his love for me, his devotion to me and our mutual love for each other. I also have a life. My friends find him to be funny and charming and they can see why we are together. They can tell just by the way we look at each other.
We enjoy spending time together. We are best friends. We are supportive of one another and push each other to accomplish our dreams. Because of that, our friendship and love, we are able to have lives separate of each other. We are not so twisted into one another that you cannot tell where one ends and the other begins. We are two separate but equal people in this relationship. We compliment each other. Neither of us feels like one is doing more to benefit this relationship than the other.
We each have friends of the opposite sex, we trust each other enough to be able to allow the other to be their true selves without any stipulations. He knows I am his and I know he is mine so there is no jealousy.
We talk to each other, truly talk. We tell the each other our greatest dreams and secrets because we know we can trust each other. There is no judgement in this relationship. Fights end quickly because we normally end up laughing about something and forget what we were even fighting about. We each are articulate and friendly. We are respectful of each other's families and friends and do not feel the need to bad mouth them. We are understanding enough of each other to allow the other to vent about life's frustrations without having to try and fix their situations. We have enough confidence in each other allow space for separateness.
We add to each other's lives, we don't take anything away. We find joy in being together and joy in being apart. The relationship is never forced, it just is. It is very casual and easy going, loving and safe and open and free.
We are friends. We genuinely care about each other. We have things in common but we aren't the same. He has his passions and I have mine. We both respect each other. We both know, without doubt, that we are going through this journey together. We make each other happy, we laugh a lot and are very light with our love. We are affectionate without being 'all over' each other. Outside people can see our connection, without words needing to be spoken.
He has his own life, he never excludes me and I don't feel the need to be attached to his hip. I occasionally hang out with him and the guys and he's okay with that. His friends like me, his friends respect our relationship. He trusts me. He knows I love him and that I am faithful to him. I am confident of his love for me, his devotion to me and our mutual love for each other. I also have a life. My friends find him to be funny and charming and they can see why we are together. They can tell just by the way we look at each other.
We enjoy spending time together. We are best friends. We are supportive of one another and push each other to accomplish our dreams. Because of that, our friendship and love, we are able to have lives separate of each other. We are not so twisted into one another that you cannot tell where one ends and the other begins. We are two separate but equal people in this relationship. We compliment each other. Neither of us feels like one is doing more to benefit this relationship than the other.
We each have friends of the opposite sex, we trust each other enough to be able to allow the other to be their true selves without any stipulations. He knows I am his and I know he is mine so there is no jealousy.
We talk to each other, truly talk. We tell the each other our greatest dreams and secrets because we know we can trust each other. There is no judgement in this relationship. Fights end quickly because we normally end up laughing about something and forget what we were even fighting about. We each are articulate and friendly. We are respectful of each other's families and friends and do not feel the need to bad mouth them. We are understanding enough of each other to allow the other to vent about life's frustrations without having to try and fix their situations. We have enough confidence in each other allow space for separateness.
We add to each other's lives, we don't take anything away. We find joy in being together and joy in being apart. The relationship is never forced, it just is. It is very casual and easy going, loving and safe and open and free.
It's Like....The 5th Element!
The movie The 5th Element is great. I love Bruce Willis and Milla Jovovich and I loved the story line. One person who could save us all and all she needed to be most powerful was to receive love. Think about it, if all of us had that power. If each of us were able to shine a beam of light from inside us that would save the world.
What if the idea of that story were true? What if by being true to our hearts and who we are. By holding on to the good of life, the love and the happiness we could also shine the light of peace and God into the world. What if more than one of us did that? What if the majority or, the entire population, allowed the love of the Universe to shine through them?
I think we would find peace. I think we would find happiness. I believe that if we were to stop judging others for not being like us, and focused on being ourselves we could find that power. We could tap into it and save the world!
I believe living from the outside in we block that power. We plug our light with junk. If were were to let go of the junk, the judgements we hold and the need to always be better than an other, we could clear that passage and we could allow our own light to shine through us.
I believe we can save the world. We have all the elements we need here. We could be the 5th Element :)
What if the idea of that story were true? What if by being true to our hearts and who we are. By holding on to the good of life, the love and the happiness we could also shine the light of peace and God into the world. What if more than one of us did that? What if the majority or, the entire population, allowed the love of the Universe to shine through them?
I think we would find peace. I think we would find happiness. I believe that if we were to stop judging others for not being like us, and focused on being ourselves we could find that power. We could tap into it and save the world!
I believe living from the outside in we block that power. We plug our light with junk. If were were to let go of the junk, the judgements we hold and the need to always be better than an other, we could clear that passage and we could allow our own light to shine through us.
I believe we can save the world. We have all the elements we need here. We could be the 5th Element :)
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
How I feel Right Now :)
Right Now...... I feel free! I feel strong. I feel at peace. I feel happy anticipation of the new things to come in my life. :)
I have been listening to the songs I've added to this page. They really speak where I am, what I think. I love that music can do that for me. I've been reading. I've been accepting who I am right now. It feels good! Way better than when I disliked everything about myself. Duh! Of course I know the words make sense but the execution can be difficult:) I spent so many years being what I thought people wanted me to be. I have always hid who I truly am. It's time for that to end.
How am I suppose to find true love with someone who loves me if I never admit to who I am, what I like and where I am going in my life? I have to be honest, with everyone, but most importantly with myself. Instead of waiting until I'm thin or rich or perfect before showing myself and my heart is not the way to go.
What happens to people who live their life in the dark?
They eventually get so used to the dark that sunshine actually is painful to their eyes. That's how I have become, a hermit. I lived in the 'When I get _________ I will do this and then everything will be wonderful and I'll be happy' cave. The thing is I got so used to the dark that finding that light/sunshine/love for myself and others I used to want died away. The darkness of hiding within myself, the not believing myself worthy of happiness now became comfortable. I forgot the light, the need for the light and the feeling of joy the lights provides. I forgot that we are meant to be in the light, not hidden in the darkness.
I am happily begining to remember. I am starting to see that maybe, just maybe, I can have everything I want. Maybe I can find my dream. I'm beginning to realize that I should appreciate what I have in this moment. Where I am in this moment and cherish every moment. I have hidden in journals, only able to write my feelings, never able to speak the truth. I was afraid. I was afraid of rejection so I rejected. I was afraid of not being liked, of being mediocre and what happened to me? I became mediocre, I became not enough and I chose a life where everyday I was rejected. I didn't need anyone to abuse me, I was terrific at abusing myself, the best part about that is no one can see the scars. No one could see the blows I had afflicted upon my own soul. Again I hid myself. I have punished myself enough for 10 lives, it's time to move on.
It's time to be honest with myself, my heart and the ones I love. It is terrifying to put myself out there! I am now giving outside sources a say in my life. Instead of deciding for people, assuming their impending rejection I am actually opening up. The good thing is if I do end up receiving rejection I know that I will still feel good. I trusted, I put faith and my heart in an others hand. I know that by allowing my true feelings to the light, I am out of the cave!
Damn the Man, Save the Empire!!!!! ;)
Living Inspired,
Micah
I have been listening to the songs I've added to this page. They really speak where I am, what I think. I love that music can do that for me. I've been reading. I've been accepting who I am right now. It feels good! Way better than when I disliked everything about myself. Duh! Of course I know the words make sense but the execution can be difficult:) I spent so many years being what I thought people wanted me to be. I have always hid who I truly am. It's time for that to end.
How am I suppose to find true love with someone who loves me if I never admit to who I am, what I like and where I am going in my life? I have to be honest, with everyone, but most importantly with myself. Instead of waiting until I'm thin or rich or perfect before showing myself and my heart is not the way to go.
What happens to people who live their life in the dark?
They eventually get so used to the dark that sunshine actually is painful to their eyes. That's how I have become, a hermit. I lived in the 'When I get _________ I will do this and then everything will be wonderful and I'll be happy' cave. The thing is I got so used to the dark that finding that light/sunshine/love for myself and others I used to want died away. The darkness of hiding within myself, the not believing myself worthy of happiness now became comfortable. I forgot the light, the need for the light and the feeling of joy the lights provides. I forgot that we are meant to be in the light, not hidden in the darkness.
I am happily begining to remember. I am starting to see that maybe, just maybe, I can have everything I want. Maybe I can find my dream. I'm beginning to realize that I should appreciate what I have in this moment. Where I am in this moment and cherish every moment. I have hidden in journals, only able to write my feelings, never able to speak the truth. I was afraid. I was afraid of rejection so I rejected. I was afraid of not being liked, of being mediocre and what happened to me? I became mediocre, I became not enough and I chose a life where everyday I was rejected. I didn't need anyone to abuse me, I was terrific at abusing myself, the best part about that is no one can see the scars. No one could see the blows I had afflicted upon my own soul. Again I hid myself. I have punished myself enough for 10 lives, it's time to move on.
It's time to be honest with myself, my heart and the ones I love. It is terrifying to put myself out there! I am now giving outside sources a say in my life. Instead of deciding for people, assuming their impending rejection I am actually opening up. The good thing is if I do end up receiving rejection I know that I will still feel good. I trusted, I put faith and my heart in an others hand. I know that by allowing my true feelings to the light, I am out of the cave!
Damn the Man, Save the Empire!!!!! ;)
Living Inspired,
Micah
Forgive
Have you ever put it all out there? Have you ever laid down your ego and said what was truly in your heart? Have you ever let down your guard and shown yourself fully to another?
Why do we hide within ourselves? This world we live in is meant to be lived, in my opinion, from the inside out. A ton of us seem to live from the outside in. We take the ideas, perceptions, pain, rejection we receive in the outside world and we bring it inside of ourselves. We allow the world to determine who we are, what we are going to become and how we feel about ourselves. We allow outside influences to create our worlds for us. We allow them to tell us what we are good enough to be. By allowing those outside influences more of a say in our lives than us we feel lost, helpless and alone. I believe the reason we feel that way is because by following others perceptions and paths for us we actually lose ourselves. We no longer can recognize ourselves.
Think about it this way...When a child of a young age is kidnapped they can be convinced, after time and effort, that they are and always have been a completely different person than who they were born. Their name can be changed, their whole life altered and they will adjust and adapt to that new life story because they believe it to be true.
I believe that happens with all of us. We are told certain things and if we are told them long enough, and we don't have anyone there to reaffirm our real identity, we assume the identity we are given by the outside world. I believe that we become so wrapped up in what we believe we are suppose to be, because we put more faith and belief in what others say. We give ourselves to outside influences, we allow these outside influences to mold us into what they believe we should be because if they mold us then they'll like us because they made us..... I hope that makes sense.
That is how we live outside in. We allow others to show us who we are. The thing is, others have no idea who we are. They cannot see our hearts or our souls. They cannot truly know the potential we hold. The only person who can bring the true us out is ourselves. The way we can bring the true us to the world in to live the opposite of what most of us were taught. We need to live from the inside out. We need to listen to our hearts, follow our hearts and be courageous in knowing that we are being the person we are meant to be. We need to accept ourselves as we are. We need to allow the amazing power we hold within us to shine into the world.
I believe each of us is here for a reason. We each bring something to the table, we only need to find out what that gift is. We need stop listening to what others tell us and start listening to our hearts. Inside our hearts is our answer, our true self, our gift we are meant to provide the world.
So I encourage you all to listen to your heart. Stop pretending to be someone you are not, especially if being that person is hurting you inside. Forgive yourself and others for being mistaken about who you are. I don't believe people intentionally hold others down, I believe that others try and help even if their help ends up being misguided and leads you off of your path. So be kind, even to the ones who have hurt you most. Understand that they could not truly see who you are.
Each of us has the opportunity to make this life incredible. Each of us has something important to bring to the table of life, we need only find out what that is.
I wish all of you the best of luck in finding yourself, finding your purpose and living the path of your heart. It's never to late.
Forgive yourself and others. Move on and be who you are meant to be. Shine! Live from the inside out and you will be amazed at how amazing you truly are. You will feel your connection with God and others and you will find your happiness. I wish you peace.
Living Inspired,
Micah
Why do we hide within ourselves? This world we live in is meant to be lived, in my opinion, from the inside out. A ton of us seem to live from the outside in. We take the ideas, perceptions, pain, rejection we receive in the outside world and we bring it inside of ourselves. We allow the world to determine who we are, what we are going to become and how we feel about ourselves. We allow outside influences to create our worlds for us. We allow them to tell us what we are good enough to be. By allowing those outside influences more of a say in our lives than us we feel lost, helpless and alone. I believe the reason we feel that way is because by following others perceptions and paths for us we actually lose ourselves. We no longer can recognize ourselves.
Think about it this way...When a child of a young age is kidnapped they can be convinced, after time and effort, that they are and always have been a completely different person than who they were born. Their name can be changed, their whole life altered and they will adjust and adapt to that new life story because they believe it to be true.
I believe that happens with all of us. We are told certain things and if we are told them long enough, and we don't have anyone there to reaffirm our real identity, we assume the identity we are given by the outside world. I believe that we become so wrapped up in what we believe we are suppose to be, because we put more faith and belief in what others say. We give ourselves to outside influences, we allow these outside influences to mold us into what they believe we should be because if they mold us then they'll like us because they made us..... I hope that makes sense.
That is how we live outside in. We allow others to show us who we are. The thing is, others have no idea who we are. They cannot see our hearts or our souls. They cannot truly know the potential we hold. The only person who can bring the true us out is ourselves. The way we can bring the true us to the world in to live the opposite of what most of us were taught. We need to live from the inside out. We need to listen to our hearts, follow our hearts and be courageous in knowing that we are being the person we are meant to be. We need to accept ourselves as we are. We need to allow the amazing power we hold within us to shine into the world.
I believe each of us is here for a reason. We each bring something to the table, we only need to find out what that gift is. We need stop listening to what others tell us and start listening to our hearts. Inside our hearts is our answer, our true self, our gift we are meant to provide the world.
So I encourage you all to listen to your heart. Stop pretending to be someone you are not, especially if being that person is hurting you inside. Forgive yourself and others for being mistaken about who you are. I don't believe people intentionally hold others down, I believe that others try and help even if their help ends up being misguided and leads you off of your path. So be kind, even to the ones who have hurt you most. Understand that they could not truly see who you are.
Each of us has the opportunity to make this life incredible. Each of us has something important to bring to the table of life, we need only find out what that is.
I wish all of you the best of luck in finding yourself, finding your purpose and living the path of your heart. It's never to late.
Forgive yourself and others. Move on and be who you are meant to be. Shine! Live from the inside out and you will be amazed at how amazing you truly are. You will feel your connection with God and others and you will find your happiness. I wish you peace.
Living Inspired,
Micah
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