Why? Why do I feel this way? Why do I want to blame others for my pain?
In this moment I feel lost, I feel abandon and scared. I feel angry and defensive. I feel like I am all alone and no one truly knows me or the pain and fear I am feeling at this moment.
I want to blame others for my fear. I want to scream and yell at someone, tell them it's all their fault I feel this way. I want to cry and scream and throw a tantrum, and inside I am actually doing all of that. Maybe that's why I feel so awful right now.
On the outside I am trying to remain calm, logical, rational but on the inside I am every dark emotion you can imagine. It's like a storm inside me.I'm not sure how to fix it, get past it or go through it. I only know right now these feelings exist inside me. I know that ignoring them does not make them go away. So right now I acknowledge the storm within me. I look at the pain and the anger. I will not judge myself for feeling this way, I think that will only make the storm stronger, it will only create more pain within me.
So I just sit within the pain. I feel it, I accept that it is here. Right now that is all I know to do........
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